I wrote this recently for a contest where you can not repeat words and only use six sentences and thought I would put what I had written in my journal as part of my inspirited eagerness for the Fall Festival to arrive. Just in case my multi colored glowing bracelets and spooktacular gaudy token earrings are not getting my spirit of the season across enough. One can not ever go wrong with a creepy story, can they? Plus Bryg and Lucy are really not helping. Here I was trying to be the one to keep them calm and saying Oh the Fall Festival will be here soon enough - no worries and now here I am actually bouncing around and excited for it - in private of course. Darn them! I can not help it. It is my favorite time of the year and as I have mentioned before, this season is my favorite time.

There is much more I have on my mind but I truly can not process all of it right now to really write about it. Pallas had done something for me that is too touching even for me to put into words and even if I could I am not really sure I want to, because it is special and all for me. I think about what he had given to me the other night for it is really very remarkable and with the deepest of thought put into it and I look into his dear eyes so true to me and I know without question his love. I know I have no doubts in that depth - Ive not doubted that love for quite some time now even through ups and downs and I know few can say that and I hope he can say the same. If he can then we truly share a unique gift. He lights up my heart and touches my spirit. There are always unexpected moments in this life that winds down and passes us by that we wish to treasure always and hold onto and he keeps me in eager anticipation of them. Thank you, Pallas.

Well back to my story before I can not even see the page I am writing on with my silly eyes becoming misty-like. I am thinking how much more I could add to this little tale with some other words and sentences and the ability to repeat and expand but am thinking do I really need to? I think I like it just the way that it is but then again I think of a whole other level it could go up to. Maybe some day, in some future fall festival, we will see the lonely ghostly needle eyed girl again.

...maybe she is standing right behind you.

[SIZE=6][FONT=chiller][COLOR=maroon]*Wooooooosh* *THUD* - crashing meteors, descending Great Korunga or many raining fall festival tokens mayhaps?
Nay, tale tells that during festivities past some strange girl fell from the chill misty star filled skies.
Translucent boiled skin, long frizzy raven hair and who had pointed needles within her eyes.
She stood crookedly tall with pale, thin arms spread wide then bellowed sorrowfully - oOoOooh woe is me!!
For this ghastly, miserable cursed existence where once was animated light - now I cannot see!!
In Sooth! - Wretched life of darkened ignorance be so very lonely indeed, which man will take my hand to dance a ghostly macabre?![/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE]

[COLOR=lightsteelblue]My hip bothers me slightly where the horror I had not seen coming slashed at me and left its mark and my fingers felt that strangeness they've felt several moons ago, on and off - prickly and tingly as I sat and drank my tea after I woke and still now as I begin to write, but at least my head is somewhat clearing, and I am sure it was all just a dream. Or was it? I do not know what is happening. I began to suddenly feel unwell last evening - but I pressed on, helped a friend with a quest and fought it off as best I could until I could no more. I do not even remember lying down to rest. My head and nose feel strangely stuffed, my throat feels as if I've swallowed fire and my body aches as though I've battled with a thousand demons. My eyes see haze. Oh and my dreams ...

Good or bad as the end result, I still am unsure of that, I guess time will tell, though strange and frustrating indeed I can say with certainty. I dreamt of Fenyrin. Some of you may remember me speaking of him from time to time, or writing of him in times of past. He was my cat from back home, one of the only few comforts I did have in my younger life, short lived as that may have been for a girl like me, and I believe that I loved him with all of my heart, especially after my mother was gone. There has always been a void in my heart (there are several voids in my heart it is sufficient to say) and no real closure concerning his sudden disappearance - or the events that lead up to them. I will not disgrace these pages by inking them with what my mind has pieced together from the bits of the puzzle that existed at the time and what my Father wanted me to see without speaking it out in gory details - for the truth is far to terrible to openly admit on parchment, but I think dreaming of Fenyrin in the way that I did has made the pictures of the days so much clearer for me. Has taken what I had hoped, as I have aged the last few years, might have been the results of the over reactive mind of a young girl trapped within the mind and manor of a ruthless mad man or two, (and I use the tern man lightly) dashed those hopes, and shown me that those instincts were of course, very real and very true. Sad, tragic, and all the more so in that … no, I can not say it. I just can not. But I will record my most bizarre dream, as I always do. I must ...

The purring whispers were so gentle and soft but yet no part of them could I even understand until he purred my name. "Ellyaaaana" floated the whisper, along with the tickle of his whiskers on my cheek. I could not speak or breathe or move - only lie there looking up at him. And despite the fact that it was not as if it were a nightly occurrence that I heard my beloved dead cat from my childhood speak my name as he sat above my head grinning down at me, I was not one bit afraid. More purring and whispering I could not understand. I felt my face scrunching as I desperately wanted to understand what he was saying, but could not. I closed my eyes to concentrate harder and as I did I saw flashes of cutlery and that ugly fancy serving dish I always hated so much, then myself as a young girl sitting at a table covered in dirt and crying, and my Father with his big evil grin serving me some strange looking food - cooking was a hobby of his and one he was not often delighted to share with me, and forcing me to eat with him. But I did not want to eat! I wanted to go out looking for Fenyrin! I was crying for Fenyrin who was … gone. " Fenyrin? Fenyrin, where are you??" I heard my fathers wicked laughter and it rang deep inside my ears.

"Ellyaaaana".... He purred and nuzzled my cheek with his wet nose, his voice soothing and overriding the harshness of my Fathers evil laughter. I felt my eyes open and the face of my Father was gone and once again I saw Fenyrin funny furry face and I took a deep and shaking breath, perhaps the first one of the entire dream - was it even a dream? At this point, I question that because everything felt so vivid so lucid and so very real. He licked himself; though truth-be-told he looked as riff-raff as ever and it suited him most perfectly. More gentle whispers, words I could not understand. "Sweet little Fenyrin," I had cried out to him, "I think that I know what you are you trying to say … I know what happened. I know what … he did. I am so sorry. I always knew it was true, in my heart. He is dead and gone now ... gone and destroyed from this world. Pallas and I … and Tam helped … believe it or not and he is gone, gone … the horrible, evil cowardly shell of a man ... whatever it is he was is truly gone but for in my mind. I want to reach out and pet you, hold you, but my hands will not move! Please … forgive me. I have always prayed for your soul." I was wailing, pleading for forgiveness for the horrible acts of my Father … to my dead cat, to one of my few past loves and comforts - to who I owe part of my life to, crazy as that may sound. I am sure now that anyone within Dundee must have heard and thought that an Angry Soul or possibly a Crazed Explorer had gone astray and was loose and acting mad in the dark forest. Had anyone actually seen me I may have been carted off to a healer for some serious treatment and assumed mad myself. But they do not know … they just do not know … what happened. They do not know what I know; they did not see what I saw, they do not know the bond was all I had left ... and he was extra special ... a precious gift from Mother that my Father destroyed. Did I wake Pallas? Was I really screaming outside my dreams? It was then that Fenyrin licked my hand.

A few sweet puurrrs and incoherent whispers later Fenyrin walked onto my stomach and started to move his big furry paws around, tail stuck into a question mark, head tilted to the side. The purring had become louder and he was drooling a bit and seemed to have a lopsided smile on his face. I turned to look at what he saw, to see if I could see what strange visions he might have been seeing. Perhaps a bit of dust or a bug he was about to pounce but it was not. He was looking at Pallas. I smiled, strangely comforted, and then closed my eyes. " Fenyrin freeee … " his voice trailed off as I slowly switched from the sleeping world into the waking world. And somewhere in between those two worlds I saw him as I drew him so long ago before when I first came to these lands alone and missing him. Fluffy, handsome, smiling and soaring high towards the Sunrifter on a cloud with wings spread out far across clear blue skies.

Dreams. Fantasy. Illusions. Deceptions. Truths. Dellusions. Reality. Mirages. Windows ...[/COLOR]

There is a silence within the lands. It is not a cold one or harsh, or even uneasy but it all the same feels strange to me - almost as if it knows something, it is mysterious and as with any mystery I am curious. I work on my scrolls, talk to my kin, design, write, aid those who call me the best that I can and look for those who may need some help and I farm - doing what I can but still it feels as though something is not right, I am not sure what that is, and I do not like the feeling. I find it hard to concentrate sometimes as I try and work or aid others. Perhaps it is just me though and … well, I do not know. If I go down that thought path it will not be a very happy one. I am feeling rather melancholy today and fidgety. And what does that even mean? Rather melancholy? Either I am feeling melancholy or I am not. Is the word rather meant to intensify the melancholy which I am feeling? Does it, though? I do not think so. All it does it take up more space on my parchment and make the words look fancier. True that spoken it sounds much nicer but on here, these pages, it just looks strange to me - at least today it does.

My senses have been particularly sharpened since the tremors and they have not settled down. I know I am always on the go, always thinking, always getting myself into something and always trying to figure something out. It is hard for me to just accept them for what they may have been nothing at all. Still, I look and I wonder -what exactly did happen that day that we are not seeing? And will it affect us later? These things and many other things roll around and keep my mind awake at night. I will say though Id rather this then the other things which used to keep me awake at night, before I found myself in these lands.

I have begun to realize lately that the happiness and the joy we can feel and the pain and suffering - they are places which burn immeasurable within our mind sets. The cause of them is so emotional and found so deep within us - regardless of what is happening to us physically in our lives. The key to feeling full happiness is pure inner peace. We must have that for if we do not, no matter how wonderful the conditions of our lives are - if our minds are haunted, disturbed, and troubled, we will never feel truly and completely happy - satisfyingly happy. It will always be jaded, tainted, distorted. I know that as hard as I observe, listen, pray, study, work, meditate and teach myself to achieve deep and pure peace of mind - and to accept all that has happened to me in my life, and as far as I have come and through all I have overcome, that I still have a fathomless amount of time and obstacles to pass before I will find what it is I seek. And that does not frustrate or bother me as one may think from what they know of me. I see my progress in little steps. I came here with nothing but pain, distrust and reckless abandon and I found myself a path - or rather it found me. I found guidance by my gods for which I am forever gracious. I found who I have always been on the inside - and let her out and eventually let her shine. She is NOTHING like her Father. And I found other surprising things such as happiness, freedom, love, serenity, patience, kindness - and a chance at a real life. I know my Mother would be so happy for me.

My life is a real life now and it is so much happier then it has ever been before - I am so much happier here in these lands and I have done things I never thought I could do and I know that as long as I have Pallas by my side and hope within that I will one day, be it preferably by my life or mayhaps in my death, find the purest inner peace that there is and by doing so will finally feel happiness in its purest. Maybe all it takes is something much simpler to say in words but so hard to do - my letting go of all those things which are the past. My father may be dead, but it is in no way so easy to just let it all go as I wish it were.

But I have come far and there is warm light, peace and happiness in my heart and soul where before there was nothing but darkness, fear and despair and if that is not some kind of positive spiritual progression ... or something, then I do not know what is.

Love and Light

Ellyana

Tremors shook the lands violently from now where and I suddenly went from standing in Old Dundee to on my side on the ground. They were brief, yet violent and they were over by the time I had gotten back to my feet and within a few blinks it was as if theyd never been at all. I dashed back into Valorn and messages were exchanged. Azure, Valor, Amzer I asked to check the tunnels but nothing strange or unusual had yet been seen and still to my knowledge had not, search as we all did for many marcs. I was exhausted and wanted to come back to the Mooon to check on Pallas so I ripped myself away from the bridge over the dark water of the dead zone - the final spot I had ended up and made my way back. I wanted to go in, but I could not. Not only would I have been dealt a painful death; death by the twisted shadows of the remnants of a stolen and tormented life that are the horrors which beset the area. Twisted and writhing, littering the grounds of the zone caught between life and death. but mentally ... well, I knew I could not go within the zone. I just can not. It is haunting and terrifying what they try and take from me. Those horrible creatures those things that once were, and are trying to be again - trying to leech from my soul. No, I was strong, I left. Azure said Topaz and others would search it and to leave the zone alone, and that is what I did. I must find out if they have yet done so and if anything was discovered there. The last time such tremors rocked these lands, if I remember correctly, it exposed the newer, termite infested mill in Milltown.

I really wanted to continue searching but I was so sore and tired and I wanted to be sure Pallas was feeling alright. That was my main concern. It is just that I can not stand not knowing what happened. My mind is even more at work then before now, and it will not stop until it finds some answers of some sort. Though in the haze I was feeling from lack of sleep and over work I was no good to myself or protecting anyone from any possible impending dangers or well off enough for exploring anything new that may have surfaced from the tremors or helping anyone at all so it was best that I did just manage to rest. I feel a bit better now, more awake and refreshed although sore and still and anxious to get back to searching. I think some tea which will hopefully stop my now pounding head, and a quick bite, and that is exactly what I am going to set off to do.

So much has been happening these days, as with all days, that I have not had much of the chance to write. and as usual I am so tired when I actually sit down to do so. We have had visitors since I have decided to clear the Misty Twilight Path a bit for others - and the looks of fascination on some faces and the messages I receive brings a smile to my eyes and a feeling of warm happy, delight to my heart. We have received some wonderful compliments on our bit of land so far and seeing all the ideas and visions in my head brought to life in such a wondrous way and received so warmly by others - it really is the best feeling that there is when regarding ones work. So much goes into these sorts of things and to see it all come together is so amazing in ways I can not even begin to explain. Sitting and talking with Valor and Azure the other evening in the Mooon, after Pallas had opened a box for them, the conversation turned to expectations and it got me thinking about how sometimes it is what we never expect at all that turns out to be the best we could ever hope for. That is how I feel about my entire life here in these lands most days. I thank my gods graciously for all that I have.

Pallas did not return that night. I rested and he asked for blessings before I drifted back to sleep so he could train in the tombs. I woke alone and I thought that perhaps he had business with Denion he had to rush off to again and that a message had just not reached me yet. I continued on with my day, but as time passed I started to worry slightly and in between moving around to greet people and share my blessings and show some initiates around I would search for Pallas, but I did not ever find any traces of him. A terrible rogue or scout of any kind I would indeed make. I was certain he was not within the boundaries of these lands but it was much later when I was sitting in the gardens that there he stood behind me. I did not turn around to speak to him at first but then something in his voice alarmed me, so I turned around and I saw the state he was in and it was disheveled. He looked terrible. He told me what happened and I felt worse for not having found him during the day. I felt useless, really. What good am I if the man I love is lying hurt somewhere close by and I can not even locate him to help him? I tended to him then and he sleeps now and I hope will be alright but for a few bumps and bruises but it could have been worse and what if he hadnt been able to get back to me? Sure, Id have looked harder but I did search and I found nothing.

Perhaps I am too consumed with my constant thoughts and plans and diagrams and writing and ideas and charting out scrolls and rummaging through plants for other things and stressing on stuff and trying to figure out the meaning of … everything and on top of all else that I do everyday in these lands with my Sunrifters and Mooons and in between that I really need to take a few steps back and keep a better perspective on what is really important and spend more time relaxing and with Pallas. I just always have to be on the move and my mind is always going. Even when it is relaxing, and the times of peace - during my mediations and rest I feel as if it is subconsciously searching and dreaming and creating and always trying to figure something. I do not feel that is a bad thing but at times it can not always be a good thing, either. Right now I feel guilty.

Now while it is always sad to see the things we care for go away it is also exciting times because there can be a fresh and new start, too. And that is what it was for us. It has finally happened! Miranda made a broadcast that she would be wrecking destruction on some old, disbanded guildhalls and to be on the watch. This meant Twilight, as we had been waiting a while now so on the watch I was and after some excited chatter with my guild mates and friends, off I went. I dashed straight to the Ministry hall in the plains, as that is where I most wished to build our halls and to my humbled delight the ever amazing and wonderful Viscontessa showed there soon after shinning up her new Ring of Guildhall Destruction! It goes so nice with her Goblet of Empathy. Well, she advised stepping back and then she pointed her ring and there was a really loud BOOM - the loudest I ever heard but to our surprise and my dismay the hall would not fall! Must be some really and I do mean REALLY amazing spell God Ben has placed on that Ministry hall to keep adventures aware of what will happen to them and their halls should they anger and displease the Gods! So with complete understanding I moved on and called my officers together and we found ourselves a very lovely home, still out in nature where gardens and flora will grow abundantly - right near the Shrouded Sun Memorial Fields just outside of Dundee, close to the forest and the lake. It will be a lovely place to build off from and into nature and we are so very thrilled. Patience does pay off and we are very grateful to have our property and I thank everyone heartily for their well wishes and congrats they sent upon the land purchase. Ill keep the lot closed off for now, so no one falls into the hole Lucy made with her lightning canister. She was, aaah, trying to help. I really can not wait to begin bringing our designs and plans to life but more patience is needed. Bless this land! Praise the Goddess! And to Love and Light and dreams fulfilled!

I was able to finish Shan and Ermins bracelets and figure out a solution for Emmys glowing hands and finish my plate design for Azures contest. I had been working on that for a long while now - since she announced it in fact. Those leaches I was starting to see in my sleep, I tell you. I had a technique for them all worked out and I was having a slight issue with it but I think in the end I beat them! I am happy with it; I just hope Azure likes it as well. If not well then I can say that mostly I had fun! Except for that period of frustration but hey you know that is the way it is with art. It is a learning experience and I love it. So, I left a note for Emmy, met with Shan and I still need to find Ermin and finish some more requests. Shan looks great as always. She is a really good friend to me and I am grateful to her for that. She makes me laugh a lot and laughter is something I always can use a lot of. She also often helps me remember to stop and take a break and a moment for myself. Always could use those reminders, which Lucy and Pallas also do for me. I just seem to grow busier and busier with all my projects and the guild and the running to help all those who call …and believe me they sure do call!! But hey that is alright, I truly do enjoy it. I love it - and it is what I live to do! But now and then it feels as though on some days my brain is trying to stab me in the head and make an escape with my sanity!

But there is no escape! =)

A note or something would have been nice, but what is done is done now. Perhaps the wind blew it away?

So I finished all the details for my Twilight Trails and Soulshine Silk bracelets for my weirdness and cheer spreading for Fall Festival and my friends seem to love them! Lucys look so nice on her. We have fun moving our arms around in the night sky and watching the colors trail before our eyes. So strange and festive! I think it will be so neat to see others glowing at the Fall festival and I have already got some requests as well! How groovy! This will be so much fun and I really love this time of the year. Shan and I were talking about the bracelets and sticks and how neat they are and then how neat it would be to paint with the glowing effects of the crystals powder, some creepy pictures onto walls. Like zombies and giant rats and other creepy critters for haunted Fall Festival scenes. I think with a light enough flour paste mixture, (or maybe something else I've not thought of yet) mixed in that could probably scrub off pretty well when the Festival is over. I am not sure about that soooo I will need to experiment with things I think and see how that turns out.

Gods, I truly love this time of the year! Everything feels so very whimsical and like there is just a crackling of spiritual energy dancing within the air. As I sit outside and write I can see and feel the air, the winds all around me, and the mist clearer this time of the season. Pictures that could be painted clearer than other times - the spiritual energies waken longer now it seems then during other times of the year. it watches us and stays with us. And in this a stronger living wind arises and I feel it blowing its very life force right through me, through my hair as I write ... moving my tresses around my waist, my arms, off my shoulders and swirling wildly around me for a few part marcs, before the gentle gusting dies away, nearly as sudden as it had started. I breathe again and the air is so clean and crisp and soothing. The colors around me are so intense and rich.
How invigorating.

My heart nearly leapt right from my chest when Kel told me there was land available. Well, he told me to grab Pallas and meet him in Dundee; that there was something that just had to see and see right now. Pallas was half asleep as it was I had to shake him awake and so of course I felt that I needed to know what it was I was doing that for so I asked Kel why ... and when he told me I could not believe what I was hearing … and so we ran as fast as we could from the shipwreck on Kili to meet Kel in Dundee who then lead us to the land for sale. Only right away I knew that it was not what I have had in mind for so long, or what we knew would suit our structural designs and our desire to be in the peace and nature - and so I sent a quick note to my friend Emmy who I know along with her guild kin has been waiting for so very long for a plot of land to go up for purchase and she bought it! Congrats to all of Honor Among Thieves. I wish you much peace, happiness love and comfort in your new home.

As I write this my nails still shine and are not yet jagged and broken again and I must say I like it! I have never had a manicure before and I have always noticed how nice many enchanters nails are but I know I could never have nails like that so I never bothered to try some of their little ways they've said they've achieved such shiny nails when I have asked in the past. Well, Valor sent me a message the other night and off I went to the Dundee inn with Pallas, who I conveniently did not disclose our venture to, to watch her demonstration on her boards which she had created for prettying up fingernails. A quest for A.V.E Allesandra had put her up to, and a challenge she more then fulfilled. Alle was quite pleased! Now, I know I do love to keep my skin and especially my hands soft, as they are seen and felt all day and I use them so much of the time (even if they are usually a bit dirty) but my nails are very often, and I am embarrassed to say this, a true fight to behold. Azure and Pallas and Valor were was kind enough to keep that to themselves but I think I said it enough for everyone, trust me. She showed us all how her nail board worked; very neat I must say and did one hand for me. I then did the other. Everyone was so nice and she said I did a great job on my own hand however it is clear to see which hand I did from which hand Valor did. She handed Pallas a board. He ran it over one fingernail one time, winced as if the thing had bit him and handed it right back. I still do not understand but whatever! I tried not to laugh, but I still did. I had a lot of fun last evening. Azy was carving something, a whimsy. It ended up in the abyss though. I wonder what the whimsy was going to be? I love her carvings. I love my hair pick and after all this times it has still held up. It will be a sad day when it breaks. I hope if that happens she will not mind making me another.

Ive been writing, writing, writing and writing! Writing down drinks for contests for the fall festival and writing plans for the guild designs and other such things that need to be written down. Though nothing quite so lovely as what Pallas has written it seems. My mind feels so muddled and I could use a rest but no time for that! Now back to my more secret project! The one I am not really ready to discuss yet. Well, only with Lucy ...